Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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