and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
