Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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