you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
