so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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