Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
