Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
