OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
