Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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