Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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