did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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