i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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