Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
