Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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