I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
