maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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