Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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