Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
