We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
