Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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