You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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