It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
