Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
