I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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