Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
