Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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