the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
