At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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