he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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