Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
