I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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