Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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