i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You ruined the universe
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize