i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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