we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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