the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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