Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
