One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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