yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
