Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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