Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
