guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
