all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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