dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
