If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize