Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
