I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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