Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize