it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
tell me about the fingering
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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