before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
