I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
