The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's always time for handjobs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is the high leading the old right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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