she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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