You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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