I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
