you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
