i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
