You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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