just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
