just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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