Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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