Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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