I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
