i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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