i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
