it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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