margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
