dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
