Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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