So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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