ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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