sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
