I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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