Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
