considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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